OK. I just got back from PTO and there's nobody here. It's Monday morning, and the phones are ringing ceaselessly, but the place is a ghost town. We have major features on the roadmap, and there's nobody here to develop and test them. Every department has major deliverables in the next two weeks, but where is everyone?

After a while, though, I decided to check the office holiday calendar. As a contractor, I'm the only one working here who isn't part of their religion. Don't get me wrong, though. My coworkers are great. They're just a little flakey. They're always having holidays on random days with names like Teal Day or Chartreuse Eve. I didn't see anything on the Outlook calendar, but maybe the have a very important holiday and forgot to mark it down or mention it at all. It's inconsiderate, sure, but not really a cause for alarm.

I spent a few hours answering phones trying to get them to stop ringing, but it didn't do any good. Most of the calls were from reporters for some reason, and nothing they said made any sense. So, I let them ring.

I went for a walk around the building to see if I could find signs of life. Every time I rounded a corner, I half-expected a group of them to jump out at me giggling, but that really didn't make sense, either. These folks are earnest and sensitive. A couple of months ago, for example, one of them use the word "an" in conversation when they should have used "a" and then they laughed. That's their idea of a big joke. They don't seem like the pranking types.

For what it's worth, they left a heck of a mess in the break room. Plates with half-consumed birthday cake and cans of Tab were everywhere. They were having a good time. That much is certain, but they also seemed to have left in a hurry. I guess that's not surprising since it was a Friday and they probably "partied" a bit too hard and the time got away from them.

Whose birthday it was, I have no idea. Personally, I tend to avoid office birthday parties. My secret is that I reply "tentative" to everything so nobody gets their hopes up too high or is too badly disappointed when I don't show up. I don't need the empty calories or the creeping dread that comes from trying to make small talk with someone who thinks I'm damned for eternity for wearing a grey shirt. Again, I love them. I just don't want to hang out with them.

It was around lunch time when the video call came through. I had my feet up on Mitch's desk at this point and had to race back to my desk and pretend to be busy before picking up the call. The video stream loaded slowly, stuttering and buzzing with analog interference.

It was hard to make out at first, but here wthey were, each of them wearing a freshly-ironed purple jumpsuit and a smile as wide as their head. And weirdest of all, they seemed to be floating. I know that's not possible, but that's what it looked like at the time.

"Hello?" said Mitch.

Before I could answer he was talking again. Wherever they were, the delay was insane.

"How are things where you are?" continued Mitch.

"Good, I guess?" I replied. "Wait, where are-"

"I am glad," interrupted Mitch, smiling and floating.

"OK. I have a thousand questions," I said quickly, trying to jam in as much as I could before Mitch started talking again. "First off, what is going on? Who are these reporters? Who's running standup if you're not here? And are we having standup today? Oh, and what about the messaging feature? We have to ship it ASAP."

"That feature will have to be delayed," said Mitch dreamily.

"How how long? Users are demanding-"

"About one trillion years, I would think," he said wryly, causing the others to laugh uproariously.

Behind him I could see a large oval window. Wherever they jetted off to, it was night there. Blackness and stars. Through the crackling of static, I could see something else in the window, reds and greens and blues shooting out behind them- like a rainbow.

And that is when the call cut out.