By now, you probably tried Swatchity and found that you like it. It starts with a simple post, just a Swatch here and a Swatch there. Before long, you're posting Colors day and night. Messaging Colors. Liking Colors. Replying to Colors with other Colors. Soon Swatchity is the only part of your life that makes sense. Your family, your friends, nobody understands you the way the Colors do. The things that gave you satisfaction in the before-time now seem meaningless. Your job, your home, you would give them all up in a heartbeat for one more hit, just one more post. Colors! Yeah, it's pretty great. But as amazing as Swatchity is, it's just the beginning of a global movement, a mission to make the world a better place through Color.

At the core of that mission, we have our revolutionary Color Centers. These are places where the enlightened gather to talk about Colors, share their feelings about Colors and learn more about Color Theory. Programs at our Centers place a strong emphasis on self-improvement. Through these affordable programs, you can learn how to take control of every aspect of your life, remain young indefinitely and experience genuine joy for the first time since second grade, all through the simple act of ascending the Color Ladder.

While we have solid plans to open Color Centers in every major city in the western hemisphere very soon, the only Center currently operational is right here in beautiful downtown Berwin, Illinois. Please do not be put off by unfavorable press coverage about the Center or its striking resemblance to a paint store. Nor should you be concerned about the steady stream of local residents popping in to request custom tinting, brushes, rollers or other accessories. As a matter of fact, it's best if you put that completely out of your mind and give yourself over to the experience.

Fun Fact, our beloved leader Mitch used to manage a Pullman Paints store. And not just any store. Mitch managed the Pullman Paints location that now serves as our flagship Color Center and global headquarters. That would explain why some of the signage still carries the old name and why all of our helpers wear aprons with the old logo embroidered over the left breast pocket. We like aprons. Wearing an apron while interfacing with the public sends a positive message. It underscores the notion that our primary mission is service and that sometimes service is messy.

If you're in the area, or you hitchhiked 700 hard miles to get here, by all means come in and have a Color reading. It's a relaxed and fun way for you to learn about yourself while we learn a bit about you as well.

You'll sit at a table across from your reader and have a conversation. Sounds simple enough. Just hold a can of latex semi-gloss in each hand and spend the next hour or two answering highly personal questions. These Color readings are enormously beneficial. Everyone says so. In fact, you can't leave until you say the words "this has been enormously beneficial" into the camera when prompted. Best of all, the reading is free. All you need to do is sign a trillion year contract.

A trillion years of fun, friendship and Colors? Sign me up! Oh, wait. I already did!